Dialogue tip: Lose the tags and substitute action

READ THE LESSON ON INSTAGRAM

When you read the dialogue exchange in the screenshot, do you find so many instances of “said” intrusive?

I do.

And in audiobook form, repetitive dialogue tags are REALLY intrusive.

You’ve probably read or been told that “said” is a perfectly good dialogue tag and a much better choice than littering dialogue with vivid tags, like “he exclaimed,” “he whined,” “she yelled,” “she quipped.”

That’s true. “Said” is a better choice because it doesn’t call attention to itself as the others do. But as the screenshot shows, firing one “said” after another adds up to intrusive repetition.

Instead, what if you were to let characters’ actions and words show the whining, the yelling, etc?

Writing visibly within the conversation eliminates the need for tags and leads to strong, lean dialogue.

And showing is, of course, one of the most important elements in great writing.

For example, show a character making a gesture, then let the guy speak.

When action and speech occur in the same dialogue block, it’s clear the person who just did the action is the person speaking.

For example:

🖋️ Marlon coughed into his hand. Again. “I don’t know about this, Sonny. Before today, we’d never heard of these guys.”

Sunny slid the pistol back into his bag and reached for a cigarette. “We don’t know them. They don’t know us. We’re all gonna keep our heads and get the thing done.”

“What if they don’t keep their heads?”

“What if it rains M&Ms?”

“I’m serious.” Marlon’s eyes flicked left and right as he scanned the parking lot.

Sonny tapped the bag. “Nobody wants to lose their head.” 🖋️

In that exchange, it’s always clear who’s speaking, and there are no dialogue tags —no “he retorted,” “he sneered,” “he replied.”

Nothing wrong with an occasional dialogue tag, but see how effective it can be to leave them out?

You might also indicate who’s speaking by preceding the dialogue with internal thought:

🖋️ Marlon silently counted the days until he’d be on the plane for Barbados. Seven. One week from now he’d be in the wind. For good. “Let them talk first, okay Sonny? Like we said?” 🖋️